(no subject)

someday, i think i intend to get my paid livejournal back.  but too many other expenses right now to think about that.

in any case...patrick's surgery went well.  we're 4 days out now and he seems to be doing well.   a little too well.  he certainly thinks he's better than he is and doesn't understand why he can't go on walks, etc.  should be interesting keeping him in bandages and mostly off his feet for the next couple of weeks.  we do a bandage change on tuesday...i think i'll feel better about things once we see what it looks like.

i leave to go see my parents for thanksgiving in like 10 days, which is crazy to me.  I'm excited, and nervous.  Really nervous about leaving Patrick, and Huckleberry.  I know I'm going to miss them terribly and worry about Pat.  I'm also nervous because with traveling, it's 6 days...4 complete days at my parents house without a cell phone because I won't have cell reception up there... and i just can't remember the last time I had two complete days of nothing in a row...hell, I can hardly remember having a complete day off in the last several months so...having 4 of them strung together, with my parents, no a little bit daunting. 

i'm excited though.  it will be good for me, i think.  it's funny too because i know i'm going to miss people.  two people in particular, off the top of my head.  but other people as well.  which is interesting for me.

i wish i had the money to buy this book that i really want so that i could take it with me to read on the plane and at my parents...i have a feeling i'm going to spend a chunk of time bored out of my mind.

i don't have a phone that has the internet.  i don't have an ipod that works anymore.  or a laptop.  should be...interesting, lol.

i might just have to take some of my books off my bookshelf and do some re-reading, which i'm good at.

but anyway.  thats whats up with me.

its funny...i spend soooo much time on livejournal, reading down my friendspage and all that, but i just don't have it in me to post all that often anymore.


(no subject)

sometimes (ok, most of the time) i worry obsessively about things i have absolutely no control over.  right now, there are a couple things that i can't quit thinking about.  namely, patrick's surgery.

but then i have days like today.

where i had a really nice walk with the boys before it started raining.  where i got to ride Ledo, and while I had to work hard and it was challenging, it was also incredibly rewarding and a great ride.  where i spent a really nice 45 minutes on the phone with my parents where, for the first time since finding out about patrick needing surgery, i've really genuinely felt excited about visiting them for thanksgiving.  where i got to snuggle with my puppy dogs for several hours and watch tv.   where i get to go out with some of my favorite people and have silly fun with them and laugh more than i have in quite a while.

i have good people in my life.  and i have good dogs.

and although i know i'm going to go back to worrying obsessively about everything tomorrow because it seems to come and go in waves...

today was a good day.

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(no subject)

sometimes it makes me sad how quickly and drastically friendships and relationships change.

and how many people just seem to...come and go from your life.



in much different news...i don't know that i posted here but...patrick's having surgery on November 9th to remove the cancerous mass.  We're amputating one of his digits to get good margins.  I'm...handling it ok at the moment, but it comes and goes.  I'm worried.  And scared.  And overwhelmed with feeling like I have to put a positive spin on it for everyone around me so that they don't think I'm falling apart over it.

anyway.  speaking of the boys...they had their pictures taken.  y'all should go check their adorableness out (as well as the rest of the wag crew).

They're pictures are after the kid's pictures ...starting with photo # 88 of the nearly 500.

my dogs.  they are made of adorable.
i ♥ reading

Writer's Block: Once upon a time…

What is the first line of your favorite book?

I can't just do one favorite book so I'm doing a whole bunch of my favorite books because I think this is fun.

"On his thirty-sixth birthday, May 18th, Travis Cornell rose at five o'clock in the morning." -- Watchers

"When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home." -- The Outsiders

"Dear Friend, I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have." -- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross carried letters from a girl named Martha, a junior at Mount Sebastian College in New Jersey." -- The Things They Carried

"Sometimes when you work in advertising you'll get a product that's really garbage and you have to make it seem fantastic, something that is essential to the continued quality of life." -- Dry

"We slept in what had once been the gymnasium." -- The Handmaids Tale

"Only three people were left under the rede and white awning of the grease joint: Grady, me, and the fry cook." -- Water for Elephants

"You exposed your penis on national telvision, Max." -- Sellevision
Huck finn

(no subject)

Today is Huckleberry Finn's Second Adoption Birthday.  He's officially belonged to me for two years and a part of me can't believe it's been two years and a part of me can't imagine my life whout my little Huckle Hound.

Patrick and I wouldn't know what to do without him.  He's so incredibly special.  He's got his issues - being so nervous around strangers and so protective of the house, but he may be the absolute sweetest dog I have ever known.  If you worm your way into Huckleberry's heart, you're golden.  Because he'll never forget you and he'll always love you and he'll make sure you know it.  I love having a dog who loves to "give kisses" and who knows what that phrase means.  I love that if you make the smooching noise long enough he comes running to give you kisses because he just can't stand not to, even if he's playing with one of his toys.  I love how silly he is with Patrick, and how sometimes he sprawls out in front of Pat and kicks at Pat's chest to get him to play, and how he puts up with Patrick puling him around by his collar, and how he does his yoga pose when he's feeling particularly silly.  I love that his favorite time of day to cuddle is first thing in the morning and he snuggles right up against me.  I that little dog.  And I seriously wouldn't know what to do without him.

And Patrick certainly wouldn't either.  I was so worried about Patrick not wanting to have to share everything with another dog, but he loves his little brother so incredibly much.  He doesn't even care much about playing with other dogs now because he can always play with his brother, which he does every day without fail.  It makes me feel like I did something good for Patrick too by getting Huckleberry.

Our lives are just so much fuller with Huckleberry around.

Those two dogs are everything to me.  ♥
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(no subject)

got my paid livejournal back! :-) and i'm celebrating with an icon meme. :-)

The Icon Expression Meme

.happy. .sad. .angry. .scared.
.disgusted. .surprised. .flirty. .sexual.
.confused. .shy. .playful. .rage.
.hurt. .guilty. .bored. .laughing.
.sarcastic. .tired. .wtf. .pride.
.sympathy. .evil. .innocent. .in love.
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peppermint alex

(no subject)

my paid account w/ livejournal has lapsed.  *sad face*  but i get paid on friday and then i'll have the money to bump it back up to paid again.

i've finally decided to cancel my dishnetwork.  i'm going to call them tomorrow and work that out.  I'm not in a contract so I won't owe anything more than I already owe, which is good, but I know there's some steps to canceling.  Sending in the receivers and what-not.  I know I'm going to regret it a little bit, but I really don't use it enough to budget $60 a month to that.

Plus, I wanted to save up the money to buy a plane ticket to see mom and dad this year.  Which, I have done.  But I got a letter from the DMV and my tags expire in the end of August and that's $145 to renew, which blows, because thats most of my plane ticket money.  So...canceling dish should help me save some money to go visit mom and dad this year.  probably later in the year than i was planning, but still.  that's something.


i got to ride outside today with rabbit, which pretty much made my day.  it might be my last ride on rabbit...he's probably being moved to another barn to be leased out to someone who came to see him once.  i should see him wednesday before he goes, but i'm still really sad.  going to miss him a lot...*sigh*

between that, and having watched this documentary called Buck with Katy and Jenni, it just makes me really sad that I don't have my own horse.  All my horse experiences have been with other people's horses.  And it just ... is frustrating.  I want my own horse.  I want my own horse that once I'm bonded with will still be mine and won't get taken away.  I'm so tired of getting attached to other people's horses and then watching them leave or having to leave myself.    And I mean...I know I'm closer now than I was when I worked at Wag to being in a financial place where I could own a horse, but I still think its years down the road.  

At least I have Libbi.  I wouldn't know what to do without her.  Without having found her to teach me lessons, or what to do without her friendship. 

I have some good friends in my life.  ♥ 

And speaking of friendships and what-not...I'm actually kind of sad to be home alone on the 4th.  Which is...different, for me.  I guess I just miss all the fun times I had as a kid on the 4th of July.  And with Emily - particularly the trip to Santa Cruz for the 4th.  That's one of my best memories and I'm just sad to be alone.

I wish I could be with Jenni and Katy.  But I need to stay home and babysit the puppy dogs, make sure Patrick's ok.  I got some alprazolam for him and we'll see if that helps.  It's just an anti-anxiety medication, not a sedative.

I did manage to take the pups to the dog park today and clean the kitchen and the living room.  And do some laundry.  Next step - a shower.  I'm filthy!  lol.

Anyway....happy 4th of july, y'all.  :-)
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Writer's Block: Fast-food TV

Are there any dreadfully bad TV shows that you wouldn't want your friends to know you watch? Confess! (This is LiveJournal, where we love you unconditionally.)

well, i actually don't care if my friends know i watch the shows, but i certainly have guilty pleasure tv.

general hospital being the main one. 

but i've been known to watch other crappy tv shows as well.  :-)  like the real world/road rules challenges.  lol. 
1998 belmont should have been


So Animal Kingdom loses the preakness by, what, a half a length? a length, maybe?  i haven't watched a replay yet so that's just off memory.  but damn.

damn, damn, damn.

i'm kind of surprised at how disappointed i am.  i's not like disappointment on the TC trail is unusual for me.  but, i don't know, i thought this might be the year.  and it's soooo much harder to watch when the horse comes so damn close to winning and just doesn't quite get there.  it sucks.

i very nearly teared up after the race at work, which would have been majorly embarassing so i'm glad i contained that.  but i'm just...soooo disappointed.  so extremely disappointed.  i liked animal kingdom.  he was very easy to get behind.  and i just wanted there to be a triple crown on the line.  i wanted the possibility of a triple crown.

particularly with zenyatta not racing anymore, i just haven't quite found myself invested in the sport, and i got invested in animal kingdom.  and i would have loved for there to have been a chance for a triple crown.  and i'm just immensely disappointed that we don't even get the chance, let alone a triple crown.

and i guess this pretty much just goes to show that...where the triple crown is concerned, i am eternally that twelve year old that was rooting for real quiet and that watched him fall a nose short in the belmont.  because i somehow always manage to get myself hyped up and hopeful and then when the disappointment comes (and it's come a lot in the last decade) it makes me crash and burn with it.


i know there's always next year.  but damn it, i wanted something to look forward to this year.

*goes off and pouts*