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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|06:36 pm] |
i just thought i'd let everyone know i am alive. camp is going well. i will be home sometime friday night. i miss my dog. but getting to be around the horses is a dream come true. i've missed them all so much.
only a couple things have gone wrong. i haven't gotten much sleep. and one of the kids accidently spilled water all over my camera. it works off and on. i'm trying to just let it dry out and see. but i'm pretty upset about that.
anne and i have been having fun. i watched transformers and we went and saw the dark knight. i'll talk more about those movies once i'm back in portland. i got me a new book to read, even though i haven't finished Horse Heaven.
and yeah. that's about all.
hope all is well in everyone else's lives. i'll be home friday and available to chat then.
hasta. |
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[Jul. 20th, 2008|04:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
Ok. An Update.
As you all know, I started at Wag the Dog Doggie Daycare last Monday. I loved it there. Katie and Toni, the two I worked the most with, were incredibly friendly and nice and made me feel like I was part of the team. Like I'd been there for a hell of a lot longer than just a couple of days. And they trusted me right from the start. I don't know if it was just obvious that I could handle myself with the dogs or what, but they had no problem just leaving me alone with the dogs and doing stuff they needed to get done. They also complimented me on being able to break up a small tiff, which wasn't that big of a deal, finding out a dog had hurt herself when no one else had seen it, and being able to remember all the dogs names rather quickly. it made me feel good.
it's only part time. and the hours are of the not fun variety, but still. i enjoy it. most of all, the dogs are fun. so i'm staying there. i officially accepted the position and will be going back in monday the 28th.
when i get back from eugene, i am going to push myself really hard to find another part time job. the plan is to call up as many horse places as possible and try and find some part time horse work. I found the doggie daycare job b/c i just called and asked if they were hiring and they were. so that's the plan. if that doesn't pan out, i'm going to call around to pet stores and see if any of them are hiring. if that doesn't pan out, i'll move on to something else...maybe just any old crap job. i think if i have another part time job by the end of august i should be ok. plus, Christine told me that there is potential for my position at Wag the Dog to turn into full time in the fall. so we'll see.
So...like I mentioned, I am going to Eugene for this week. I'm going to be staying with Anne, leaving tonight. I'll be in Eugene this week to help Michelle with a horse camp that she is paying me to help her with. which is good. I'm excited to see all my horses that I left behind, and Michelle and Renea. And Ameera. I miss them all. more than I talk about to anyone, really. A part of me can't believe that so much time is passing without riding. It sucks. I need to find something. But Michelle does come up in the beginnning of August so ... she'll find me something if need be.
Other than that, things are alright.
And...EVENING ATTIRE!! What a freakin champ. I don't know how anyone in the world could dislike that horse, or root against him. He's such a gusty, gorgeous old war horse. I love that he just romped home like it was no big deal. The mile and a half was made for that horse and I sure hope they send him to the BC, particularly now that he's won a win and your in race. I was cheering like crazy and I wish I could see him in person.
And I think that's about it. I'll post some pictures from Wag the Dog eventually. |
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[Jul. 17th, 2008|07:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
So the job is going pretty awesome. i'm not a huge fan of the hours, but it hasn't been too bad. the getting up is hard, but once i'm there, i'm awake and ready to do my job. they're really laid back and relaxed. they don't worry too much about everything being absolutely perfect. and, in general, they're just pretty friendly. i've really only spent time with Toni and Katie so I don't know the other imployees all that well, but I'm sure I will over time. Tomorrow I have to officially accept the position, assuming they offer it to me. I would be pretty damn shocked if they didn't.
the dogs are really cute and fun. Katie's been bringing food and stuff to read so she has something to do when the dogs are all relaxed, napping, etc. and she txts on her phone basically all day. she said when Christine is there, the owner, that she tones it down because Christine can get snappy about things, but overall...it looks like they're pretty chill. i might bring my digital camera w/ me tomorrow and take some pictures. i'm not sure.
and patrick will probably start coming with me twice a week once we set everything in stone or whatever. so i'll let you know about that.
on sunday or monday morning, not sure which, i'll be driving back to eugene to do the horse camp w/ michelle. i'm really looking forward to it because i've missed the horses so much. the goal, when i get back, is to see if i can find a part time job with horses. if i can't, i'll move on to something else. hopefully something will work out.
i feel like all i do is stress out about money. and it doesn't help that stewardship properties has decided that it cost 700 and something dollars to replace the carpet in my old place. which is so ridiculous for so many reasons i don't even know if i want to get into it. other than to say, there were no stains. the only thing wrong with it, according to them, was it smelled like pets so they tore it out. well, i fucking paid a damn 300 fee/deposit on patrick so that his potential damage was covered. and it isn't like he tore it up. he fucking walked on it. and they think it smells bad. i fought with them forever about it. i'm calling back tomorrow. because, frankly, i don't have that kind of money to give that and they don't deserve it anyway. i don't even know what to do. i'm so stressed out about it and i've cried about it so much. i'm just done.
and i think that is all the news i have for you at the moment.
oh. i got a desk. so that's good. i don't have to sit on the floor to be on the computer anymore. |
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[Jul. 14th, 2008|10:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
i need to try and get to sleep. i just wanted to say that i am so fucking proud of Kip Deville. what a champ. he won with ease yesterday, like the turf miler superstar that he is.
and woot for benny the bull as well. what an amazing closer. love that horse.
and curlin did an awesome job, even if he just finished second.
i also wanted to say that i'll update more about the doggie daycare sometime later, but that today went really good. getting up early was hard, and i didn't sleep well b/c i was so nervous, but it went well. i enjoyed myself and i think it will work out. i just need to find a second part time job to suppliment my income, which is still stressful. *sigh*
thanks to all my friends and there well wishes. i lurve you all. |
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[Jul. 12th, 2008|11:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
let's talk about racing. every year i seem to think that the following year won't be as great because of all the retirements and i am always pleasantly surprised to have a ton of horses to root for and love. given, with the retirement of hard spun, lawyer ron, sun king, street sense, and many others....the classic division is a little bit lacking.
but we do have big brown. and i believe he can rebound.
and we have curlin. who is almost enough all by himself, lol. i cannot wait to watch him on the turf today. i'm nervous, but excited.
and then there's the turf and spring divisions with kip deville and benny the bull who i both absolutely adore. both are also running this weekend. benny today, kip tomorrow. i can't wait :D and if Lute ever comes back...add him to the mix.
and of course...the filly and mares running in multiple divisions. we've got Zenyatta, Ginger Punch, Dearest Trickski, Magnificience, Proud Spell, Pure Clan, Hystericalady. It's just an awesome bunch of fillies and I particularly love them all, lol.
horse racing is full of awesomeness :D and that is all for the morning.
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[Jul. 11th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
so yeah. i had an interview this morning for a part time job at wag the dog doggie daycare. it went really well, they seemed to really like me. they didn't really like that i need the 21st-25th off to go do the horse camp (for those who don't know i'm going back to eugene to help michelle with a horse camp for his kids that week), but they seemed to like me enough to try and work around that.
so i'm going in for a trial week to see that it's a job i can do, and if it works out and all that stuff. it's paid, obviously. i'll be working there for 20 hours next week. 6:30am-10:30am. i'm not the best morning person in the world, but i've had to get up early for horse stuff and i can handle it. plus...it's a start. they said come fall, they will probably push the position to full time so i could potentially become a full time employee if this works out. the pay is obviously not great, it's a doggie daycare. but it's a start. and i'm pretty happy about that.
another doggie daycare said they'd call me in the next couple days to schedule an interview so maybe if this doesn't completely work out, that one will. we'll see.
i feel a little better about the job search. obviously i can't live on only part time work. but part time is better than no time. and if i'm done at 10:30 in the morning every morning that leaves room to find something else. plus, maybe i could take patrick to work with me. we'll see.
wish me luck next week. i'll post more later/this weekend about the races.
go curlin and benny! |
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[Jul. 10th, 2008|10:35 am] |
i have the internet.
more later. |
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[Jul. 8th, 2008|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
i am alive. just thought you all might like to know that. i will have internet at my place again on july 10th. right now i'm at the library on their computer, but i'm mostly just job hunting.
it's not going that great. the job hunting. i'm freaked out. and stressed out.
but the house is nice. and i like being around becca and rachel.
so yeah. i don't know. there will be a much larger update, probably, on thursday once i have the internet. |
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[Jul. 1st, 2008|05:48 pm] |
today hasn't been all that great. i am an emotional wreck.
i leave for portland tomorrow, which has "day from hell" written all over it.
i have no idea when i'll be able to update again or get on the internet. apparently we won't have internet installed until the 10th of july. so if you want to hear from me, you'll have to call and hope i answer my phone which is something i suck at.
so yeah. sorry for being completely sucky at keeping in contact. i promise, eventually that will change. i just don't know when.
that, i feel, is all.
wish me luck in moving all my stuff tomorrow. it should be boatloads of not fun. |
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| My Saturday |
[Jun. 29th, 2008|04:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
So yesterday Michelle picked me up and we went to watch a cross country event jumping. Renea and Ameera both came with us and it was a ton of fun despite the heat. It was 96 degrees yesterday and 90 today. the weather sucks. way too hot. especially for hiking around a cross country course like we did yesterday, but still...i got some cool pictures and some cool video.
afterward, i called anne and we took patrick swimming in the river. it was so much fun. i actually got all the way in and went swimming and it felt so nice after spending five+ hours out in the hot sun. i got sunburned. not as bad as i thought, but still.
i should be cleaning. i am not. i am tired, and trying to relax.
and with that said...here are the pictures/video.
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| Reading Survey |
[Jun. 27th, 2008|09:56 pm] |
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[Jun. 27th, 2008|07:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
i'm really tired. i do some more cleaning today and got myself a washer and dryer. we decided to just leave them sitting up against the side of the house, which probably means i need to go scrounge up a tarp to throw over them by the off chance that it rains in the next several days. which, knowing eugene, it might. although it was almost 90 degrees today.
i went and took care of the horses for michelle which was fun, even though it was really hot. i got on memphis bareback and just putzed around. i let him memphis gallop around the arena...going as fast as memphis can go, lol, which isn't all that fast, but it was fun. and then to cool down, renea and i took the horses (apple and memphis) down to the creek. alex came with us on tank and she waded all the way out into the deep part. her and tank were almost swimming, lol. it was a ton of fun just hanging out in the water and playing with the horses.
but i got myself my first official sunburn of the year. i got back and my arms are all burned and my face and back of my neck. i thought i was just going to be riding in the arena or i would have put on sunblock. oh well, i guess. although being burned always makes me want to just lay down and sleep forever. meh.
tomorrow, michelle is going to pick me up and we're going to go up and watch this cross country jumping competition. if i remember, i'll take my camera and try and get some cool video/pictures. should be a lot of fun.
and i think that's about it. |
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[Jun. 26th, 2008|11:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  working | ] |
| [ | music |
| | carrie underwood - before he cheats | ] |
so amanda, the horse person who called me on monday, never called me back to set anything up. i called her yesterday and left her a message and she has yet to return my call. i'm starting to feel like that's going to fall through. i'm trying to be optomistic. to assume that she's just been busy and today wouldn't have worked for me to come up so she didn't call me back yet. but damn it, i was really hoping that it was going to work out. i'm also trying to be optomistic wth fact that michelle will be up in august and she could probably find me a place to ride, at the very least, if nothing else.
on the note of horses...michelle has been giving lessons to a kid named Madison for a while now. She's been leasing a horse named Allie and Madison had finally figured out how to ride Allie and was getting along with her great when the owner of Allie decided she wanted her back. Madison and her mom, Marie, were obviously pretty upset about that. In any case...Marie decided to buy Madison Memphis for her birthday, which is July 5th. Madison doesn't know yet and they're going to surprise her on her birthday by bringing her out to the barn and let her see Memphis. They're going to decorate Memphis's stall and maybe even put a bow on Memphis, if he'll put up with it. Madison is going to be ecstatic. And Memphis should have a home for life. They've promised that if something comes up in the future and they can't keep him, they'll get back in touch with Michelle, but I highly doubt that will happen. Memphis is going to be loved and played with for the rest of his life, which is pretty awesome.
I can't believe I have to say goodbye to him in five days. If I think too much about it, I start to cry. It's not really that I love Memphis any more than I love Pit and Red or any of the other horses currently at the barn. It's just that...he's so special. I can't explain it. He's got so much attitude and personality and I just love him so much. He's taught me how to ride and how to put horses together and he's made me such a better rider. He does this hilarious thing when you first come up to his stall...he sticks his head out, pins his ears, and shakes his head all over the place like he's annoyed at you. To anyone else, it looks like he's a nasty horse. but that's just memphis being memphis and I really think it is just his way of saying hi. I can lean against his stall door and he'll stick his head out and rest his head on my shoulder. and he lets me give him giant hugs around the neck and just stand there for several minutes. he always pushes things as far as he can and is always trying to see how far you'll let him go. that just makes him all the more fun....i just don't know what i'm going to do with memphis not in my life anymore.
and i know someday i'll have my own horse and i'll love that horse more than i've ever loved any horse, but until then...it's going to be really hard to say goodbye to memphis.
*sigh* i guess i should get back to cleaning. the kitchen is next. i've cleaned upstairs, the living room, and the small dining area where my computer desk is. which basically just leaves the kitchen, the bathroom, and the back room. the kitchen is going to be the worst. so i'm going to try and tackle that today. and maybe leave the bathroom and the back room for tomorrow or over the weekend.
what's a pain in the ass is that due to cleaning i have like 5 bags of garbage that i can't take out b/c our garbage is overflowing b/c the dumb ass garbage people haven't come to pick it up in over a week and a half. almost two weeks. i have no idea why and i complained to stewardship properties about it yesterday, but nothing has happened. it's fucking annoying. |
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[Jun. 24th, 2008|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
so memphis is officially sold.
and i'm starting to realize how absolutely little time i have left at PEC.
i do a pretty good job, day to day, of not freaking out and sobbing like an idiot over everything. mostly, i try not to think about how i'm living off a credit card. or the fact that i absolutely need a job and don't know how to get one. or the fact that i feel like this packing and cleaning will never end. or the fact that i feel like stewardship properties will find something to charge me with after i leave. or the fact that i'm leaving eugene, and the horses, and michelle. and i'm losing memphis, in particular.
i should go to sleep. i don't know why i'm still up. i'm tired and stupidly emotional and going to sleep is the only solution. but damn, i'm just so ... stressed out and scared and worried and tired.
*sigh* i don't know how to handle all this.
but before i go to sleep... i do have to say, memphis is going to be very loved in his new home. he's "ours" until july 5th so technically i'll be leaving him before he's leaving me, and i don't even think he'll actually be leaving. i think they'll continue to board at PEC. i'll expand more on it tomorrow, but it's a good home. a great home, actually. which is all that i could hope for short of winning the lottery. |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2008|03:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
so today went from shitty to quite good, actually.
other than the fact that i've been a total and complete slacker and haven't gotten a damn thing done today that i should. i might get to work on that after i update.
in any case...
i posted an ad looking for work with horses on craiglist. and i got a reply! this woman, amanda, called and said they needed a stall cleaner/groomer but that they only needed someone 1-2 days a week and that instead of paying they would like to do it in exchange for free riding time! which is fine by me. of course, i do need a job. and getting a job is important. but having a place to ride, and be around horses, in portland is damn important too! so we set up a time to come up on thursday to see the place and hopefully we'll hit it off. i'm going to bring her a copy of my resume with my references so she can see that i have worked with horses and have the experience. and then hopefully we'll go from there and set up a concrete schedule or something. she's going to call me tomorrow to set up an exact time on thursday and give me directions. but i'm so excited....to have a place to ride, to work around horses...i can't begin to explain how important that is. so yay! now i just need to find a job.
other good stuff...i talked to michelle, she's picking me up on the way to the barn tonight. so that's good. and she's offered to help me move now too! so we're thinking if chad or hillary will let her borrow their truck...we'll get me one of those pull behind a truck uhaul thingies and then we can put everything that will fit in there and some in the back of the pickup. she can drive the pickup and i can drive my car. even if i pay for her gas, which i absolutely would, it would still be cheaper than renting the uhaul like planned. so cross your fingers that chad or hillary will loan us a truck! ;)
so yeah. both of those things are good. plus...when all else fails, i have this face smiling back at me...
and really, there's nothing better than that ;) |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2008|10:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
apparently it is going to cost me 134 dollars to rent a fucking uhaul.
and i'm going through horse withdrawal...i haven't been out to the barn since thursday. i'm calling michelle later and telling her she has to let me come play with horses tonight.
i woke up in a crappy mood. and i think i've become a total freak...one minute i'm excited about moving into our new place, and the next i'm freaking out about leaving eugene and stressed about money. and meh.
i just...am overwhelmed. and going crazy from spending too much time sitting in this damn apartment. all i do is pack, clean, and read. and got to the dog park. |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2008|01:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
so i managed to get ahold of 4 more boxes today. which isn't much. but it *might* be enough. i'm not sure. i really don't have anything left to pack except for my dishes and my clothes and my clothes are going in my laundry bag and trash bags, if necessary, so that might be enough.
i spent a little bit of time this morning hanging out with my neighbors jack and bob. bob and i talked about how this place used to be kind of nice...kind of like a community. when katie was here, and when rachel and james were here. he said he missed that and was hoping that with new people moving in they would get back to it, but neither of them knew that i was leaving and they both were like "nooo, you can't go" lol. it was kind of nice. i didn't know they lived having me live here...but i guess i'm friendly and mostly quiet and i don't cause any problems or have any outrageous fights like becki and john who live next to me.
and then bob even offered to move me to portland with his truck. which was incredibly nice, but i just don't think that his truck would have enough room to make it all the way to portland with all my stuff. even if i moved a bunch of stuff up in my car beforehand. i mean...
would my couch, my full bed, my twin bed, my computer desk, my tv stand thing....and my chair really all fit in once truck load? i doubt it. right? or am i off base here.
i couldn't believe he offered, that was sooo incredibly nice.
i should get back to packing. i think the goal today is to clean out all the trash that is left. the stuff i want to throw out. get it out of here. and then pack up my clothes that are dirty or i won't be needing for the next week. we'll see.
i slept incredibly late this morning. which was soooo weird. when i woke up at it was 10:15...i had to double take at the clock. i couldn't believe pat let me sleep that late. weirdness.
oh, and i really like madonna and justin timberlake's new song. which is strange. lol. |
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[Jun. 21st, 2008|04:52 pm] |
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i think i am going stir crazy. |
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[Jun. 21st, 2008|02:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | weird | ] |
i've basically packed everything that can be packed...and have run out of boxes. i called wal mart and they said if i come between 9pm and 7am they stock at that time and will give me whatever boxes i want. so i guess i'll go do that tonight.
i also need to reserve me a uhaul. but i think i'm going to wait until monday to do that.
i also need to call some horse places, which i meant to do yesterday and spaced, which i will do monday.
i need to deposit my graduation checks from the andreatta's and my grandma. they're going into my savings account and i'm going to try really hard to leave them there as the start of the "buy stephanie a horse fund" although i might have to pull them out to pay rent in august. we'll see.
i'm both freaked out, and a little excited.
and sick of packing and feeling like that will never get done.
since i can't really pack much else i need to continue to throw stuff out and start to clean. it is amazing how fucking dusty this place is.
and they're showing it again at 3pm. which blows. meh.
and yeah. that's about all i have to say, i guess. |
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[Jun. 20th, 2008|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
i just watched the entire Emmy's while on the phone with Rachel. it was basically like having her in the room with me, lol. we talked about the women's dresses, and what the speeches were and the nominees...and it was hilarious. i loved it. over two hours on the phone with rach...it sure made the emmy's fly by. lol.
so that was a surprisingly fun two hours.
yay.
and yay that tony geary won best lead actor and general hospital won for best drama series. fuck yeah! |
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[Jun. 20th, 2008|06:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
i went out to the barn yesterday and played with my new camera. so .... pictures!
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[Jun. 19th, 2008|05:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
I. Hate. Packing.
And I feel like I will never find a job.
That is all. |
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[Jun. 17th, 2008|04:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
so i did a little packing. and blah. i hate packing. i suck at it. i mostly went through some boxes filled with crap and tried to force myself to throw all the shit out i don't want to keep. i'm such a pack rat, it's ridiculous. i did manage to pack up all my bloodhorse magazines, all my little "break-able" stuff as well as some picture frames and a couple boxes of other stuff. i'm going to pack up my books and stuff tomorrow, i think. and maybe take down all my pictures and pack them up. i'm not sure. i should go upstairs and see what the fuck is in the damn storage space up there. shit i probably put up there the day i moved in and haven't touched. that is probably a sign that i should throw it out.
in any case....i had an absolutely amazing time with the andreatta's this past weekend.
i ended up at a horse show on saturday with michelle while em and her parents drove up. i rode memphis and finished 3rd. which i was fine with b/c he was a total brat, but he was exhausted so that's fair.
when emily and her parents arrived, i met them at their hotel and we hung out and then went to dinner at red robin. on sunday, we went out to breakfast and then to an aviation museum, and a raptor rescue followed by going to dinner. monday morning we had coffee and danish's in their hotel room before they hit the road. i only wish they could have stayed longer. it was a total laugh-fest. i love them. they are basically my second family and more important to me than i can even express. i just have so much fun and we're always laughing and cracking jokes and it was just an amazingly happy weekend.
not to mention i got to spend real quality time with emily which was awesome. we stayed up really late both sat. and sun. night talking. it was good to have someone to talk to in person...someone to vent to at least a little, even if i still don't really say everything going on in my head.
i miss them and wish they lived closer. pat does too. he slept in the tiny twin bed with emily, he was so happy to see her.
so yeah...that was my weekend. i was basically dead to the world yesterday. but i did manage to send out two resumes. both the humane society in portland and seeing eye dogs for the blind are hiring. i applied. even if i don't get an interview or a chance at either place...it is a good start. i'm going to try and get on top of calling horse places tomorrow and seeing if anyone is hiring stall cleaners or anything like that. i'm trying to be pro-active and not panicked about the entire process.
i'm going out to the barn tonight. i went out last night. i think we're jumping tonight so that should be fun. i'm going to attempt to go out as much as possible over the next two weeks. i'm freaked about having to say goodbye. and trying not to think about it.
oh...horse racing front...racing this weekend, despite me missing it, was damn amazing. what more needs to be said than CURLIN! what a freakin champion. horse of the world, indeed. love that horse. can't wait to see what he conquers next. and on top of that .... Pure Clan, Hystericalady, Ginger Punch, and Dreaming of Anna all got wins. which is freakin awesome. Ginger Punch is so amazing, I love her to. Love them all. great day of racing :D
and yeah. i think that about catches us up. woo. |
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[Jun. 12th, 2008|05:55 pm] |
more cat pictures
more cat pictures
more cat pictures
more cat pictures |
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[Jun. 11th, 2008|04:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
so yeah.
i said goodbye to maddy last night at the barn, which was sad. and i know she was sad since she had to say goodbye to all the horses. we got to jump again last night and i rode Apple, which was a lot of fun. she loves jumping, so that's always fun with her.
i'm going out there every night the rest of the week, i think. there's a show there this saturday which i might go to. might ride in. i'm not sure. emily and her parents are supposed to be coming up sat. and i'm not sure what time they'll be getting here. i need to check with emily on that.
i desperately need to make a concrete list of things to do.
i think the first is to figure out the money situation. i have now put more money on my credit card than i ever wanted to and owe so much in debt that it makes me feel like i'm having a heart attack just to think about it. not to mention that i think i'm going to have to put another 300 dollars on my credit card just in order to live through the middle/end of july. i'm going to be royally screwed if i can't find a job basically as soon as i get to portland. i know that somehow i'll be fine. but it doesn't make me feel any better.
i wanted to not max out my credit cards in an attempt to have some money in the case of emergencies. that no longer exists. not to mention the "buy stephanie a horse fund" that i had every intention of starting is basically not going to happen b/c all my graduation money is either going to have to pay off my bills or my credit cards or something. which breaks my heart in a way i can't even talk about without crying.
i'm basically a walking cry-fest. i'm tired. i'm stressed. i'm overwhelmed. there is so much i have to do and i just don't know how to get it all done.
i basically have no money for food and am living off of pb and jelly sandwhiches and crappy packaged pasta. but i don't even have the energy to be properly hungry so i guess it doesn't matter anyway.
i have a final tomorrow and friday. i need to study for those.
i'm supposed to find the time and the fucking money to drive up to portland to sign the lease in person for the place becca and i will be living. i don't know when i'll have the time or money or desire to fucking do that.
i haven't even begun to pack. but i desperately need to. i need to pack. and clean this fucking place.
not to mention i have to come up with the money to rent a uhaul, if they'll even let me rent one. and god only knows how much that costs.
and while trying to deal with all that, i'm trying desperately not to think about what leaving eugene means. b/c as much as i want to move to portland, to be near my sisters, to have a better opportunity to work with horses at least eventually .... i'm leaving the best thing (besides pat) in my life behind. and that's the horses. i can't even begin to explain how heartbroken i am going to be to have to say goodbye to sterling, and memphis, and bubba, and stretch, and apple. they've grown into such a main part of my life, i feel like they are my family, my pets.
i just don't know if i have the energy for all this. i feel like an emotional wreck with no one to really talk to. which is stupid b/c there are a lot of friends who would offer to talk to me...but whenever i get on the phone with people, i just am incapable of actually talking to them about how freaked out i am. unless you're my parents, who have had to deal with so much crying and worry and crap from me that it's a surprise that they still answer the phone when i call.
i'm just so tired...and i guess i was kind of hoping that big brown would win the belmont and give me this incredible high that would make me feel capable of doing all the things i have to do. not that his loss is any excuse not to get things done.
i mean, they'll get done. i just don't know how. |
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[Jun. 10th, 2008|06:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  overwhelmed | ] |
meh. there's so much i felt like i wanted to write about but i don't really have the time. i'm overwhelmed. and stressed. and i'll get into that at some point in time in the future.
i just had my last shift at the moss st. children's center. it's weird. weird to think i'll never be going back there, particularly since i've been there for four years. i only worked part time, and hardly at all, really...but still. sigrid, my boss, gave me a bag of monster cookies, a bottle of champagne, and a really sweet card. the job wasn't all that fabulous, but i'll miss her. she was an awesome person to work for.
i'm going out to the barn in a bit, and i hope that it makes me feel better. i'm sure it will. the horses, as well as michelle, always cheer me up.
speaking of, maddy and i went out for a lesson on sunday afternoon. it wasn awesome lesson. we did some jumping and memphis and i were really good together. and then we took them to the creek to cool off, which was fine. afterward, michelle, maddy, renea, and i all went out to eat. which was fun and delicious. i'm really going to miss maddy.
ok. so yeah. what i really came to post about. and what i'm trying to be ecstatic over is that UPS called me and I won one of the prizes in that UPS Big Brown thing!! can you believe that? i never win anything! apparently the prize package includes: one crystal etching of three horses with jockeys racing with base, one pair of High Sierra binoculars, one horse stress reliever, one autographed photo and one horseshoe shaped picture frame. how freakin awesome is that?! i'm pretty damn ecstatic, and being the #1 IEAH fan, and one of Big Brown's biggest fans, I feel like it is well deserved. lol.
i can't wait until it comes in the mail. they said it will be shipped via UPS (no duh) at the end of this week or beginning of next week. yippie! |
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[Jun. 7th, 2008|10:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
so that sucked.
i don't even know what to say. other than to say that at least every horse came home safe and sound in every race i watched. and that kent is my hero.
i think i might have to stay away from racing forum's for a bit, if everyone is going to trash brownie.
this sucks. majorly.
and i'm stupidly depressed and disappointed, but i'm ok. i'll live. i'm just really starting to believe that i won't be seeing a fucking triple crown winner in my lifetime.
meh just about sums it up. |
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[Jun. 5th, 2008|11:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | just a tiny bit sad | ] |
just some random tidbits for the evening before i call it a night and go to sleep.
-i seriously am losing the ability to control myself when it comes to big brown. i just go crazy excited and start talking, talking, talking. i went out with anne tonight and she got be talking and i seriously think i didn't shut up for like a half an hour straight. so yeah. if i'm ever complaining to you...the magic words are "big brown" and i will instantaneously shut the fuck up about my problems and began a brown-fest of goodness.
-i am sleeping horribly. all this week. i am hoping that i can go to sleep tonight and get some good solid sleep, particularly since i've had a horrendous head ache all day.
-i talked to a lady about a house that becca and i are trying to get into and she thinks she'll be offering it to us tomorrow. so that would narrow the ginormous list of things i have to get done down by one. and finding a place to live is pretty damn important. i don't know much about it other than what bec's told me. it's kinda small, but with a decent yard. and a basement. and semi-near a park. lets hope it works out.
-i'm starting to think i need to make a list of everything that needs to get done. finals, obviously....but i need to start finding boxes, and packing, and seriously tweaking my resume one more time and seriously start job hunting. i need to send this damn extra dish receiver back, and drop my dish stuff down to the most basic level w/ out losing tvg. there's probably more stuff that i'm totally forgetting at the moment.
-it looks like michelle is moving to portland? have i said that here in the lj universe yet? i sure hope so. but in the meantime, she's *forcing* me to come back down in the end of july to help with a kid camp. she's willing to pay me. and i love that she wants me to come back so much. it makes me feel loved.
-i have totally and completely quit following the election. i'm not sure if that makes me a bad person or not. but whatever. i can't make myself care. i voted. i did my part. i'll do my part in nov. and i'll bitch and complain if mccain gets elected...but alas. that isn't for months and it isn't even really on my mind.
-people have been really annoying today. a homeless guy, in all seriouness, asked me, repeatedly, if he could have patrick. yeah, no.
-and...as much as i can't talk about it, Earthlings is still very much on my mind. i can't think about it without tearing up. and i can't think about it in any serious capacity without turning into a crying mess. I just...I don't know. I can't explain it. And I wish I had someone to really talk to about it. but there's really no one. mostly, and this makes me feel like a fucking idiot, but mostly i just kind of wish there was someone to hold me.
and yeah. that's really about it. i'm going to go to bed, read, and hope for a solid sleep night before getting up to teach my last discussion question before being done with attending university classes.
weird. |
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[Jun. 4th, 2008|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
i don't want to go to class today, but at least this is the last long wednesday that i'm going to have. thank god. i'm ready to be done with my long wednesday schedule.
i'm turning in my last college paper today.
and i'm getting even more nervous about the end of the year. *breathes*
but right now, i'm focused on saturday. go big brown!!! big brown, big brown, big brown!! i'm just so excited. he's breaking from post position 1, which i think is fine. i just hope he doesn't get jerked around, or bottled up on the rail. i think i'm going to order a cheesecake from sweet life. even though i shouldn't. i don't really have the money, but damn, i want to celebrate!
ok. i guess i need to get my butt to class.
but first...i want to say that i went out to the barn last night and got to ride Stretch. I haven't ridden him in a long long time. and he was soooo good. and then i got to hop on Apple and jump her a little bit, which was awesome. she's so much fun! it was absolutely what i needed after everything the last couple days.
so yeah. for now...my mind is on one thing. and that's brownie ;) or "the bus" as the IEAH guys call him, lol |
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[Jun. 3rd, 2008|08:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
yesterday was hideously awful. i'm not going to really go into it other than to say that we watched a documentary called Earthling, which basically addressed the ways that animals are treated in regards to animal shelters, in circuses, zoos, other forms of entertainment, as clothing, and how we use them as food.
i thought, going in, that i could be strong enough to watch the video, or at least stay during the video, but i was so wrong. i wish i hadn't stayed. i wish i hadn't gone to class at all. or that i'd left right at the beginning. but i didn't want to be one of those people...one of those people who runs away from it b/c its better to live in ignorance than to actually know.
but i don't know what good knowing does. it makes me feel hopeless. animals don't die for me. i can say that, with mostly clear certainty. and that's important to me. but they don't treat milking cows well at all. milking cows live to be about 4 years old, when cows normally live to be 20. and laying hens...equally abused. and regardless, don't my tax dollars go to fund the keeping up of slaughterhouses or research labs? and you know...i don't give a good god damn if researching on animals could find the cure for cancer, or aids, or whatever. it sure as hell hasn't. and there doesn't seem to be any damn promise that it will. but in the meantime, we abuse and slaughter too many animals to count.
i just can't believe we treat animals this way. i can't believe that there isn't more of an uproar. and i guess there isn't b/c people do what half the damn class did, and they run away and they don't want to know and they want to eat meat, wear fur and leather, and dump their pets at shelters without feeling guilty about the death sentence of unlivable abuse that they're giving those animals.
i guess i don't even want to talk about it. i cried more than i've cried in a long time yesterday. and i had nightmares last night and couldn't sleep.
i just wish there was something that i could do besides just becoming vegetarian. sometimes i look at patrick and i think i made a small difference. and i think about the work i put in at the humane society...and the abused dogs that i helped...and i know i made a difference to them. even if the numbers were small. and i know it isn't helpful to look at the broad spectrum of things in that sense and i know things can change....obviously things can change or women wouldn't be able to vote and black people would still be enslaved. but god damn, it's just hard.
and i feel like i'm never going to forget that stuff in the video, and it's going to haunt me forever. |
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[Jun. 1st, 2008|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
so last week was not a good week. it should have been since it was really only 4 days long, but it was not.
tuesday night at the barn turned into a frustrating lesson. the first time i haven't walked away from there completely happy with the evening. i don't really want to go into it anymore, but i'm feeling much better now. i got to ride Apple bareback on wednesday, and i took care of the horses fri, sat, and sun. more on that later.
wednesday was also not good. stewardship properties decided to do some kind of cleanliness inspection, which is stupid. i'm also not going to go into that. it turned out fine, obviously. it is over. it doesn't matter anyway b/c i'm planning on giving 30 days notice as of june 3rd or 4th.
on top of both of those things...pussycat doll was officially said to have been retired, which i've been waiting for. to be quite honest, i wouldn't be surprised if we learned that Lute has been retired as well. I'm hoping not.
it makes me incredibly thankful for Shuffling Maddnes. He races often, and he always gives it his all, even when there's no pace to run out. I've been trying to scope out and get into some other Real Quiet babies...at the top of my list, outside the stakes runners, is Stepaside. I really like him a lot. He's always up there. It took him forever to break his maiden, but he's running in the NY circuit and they never dropped him to claiming. they obviously think that they have a horse who is decently talented, and not worth risking a claiming race. he's running in allowance races now. he ran today and finished a very solid second. i really like him, actually.
in other racing stuff .... some good races over the weekend, particularly with Zenyatta who is damn awesome. she's gorgeous and gusty and amazing and i lurve her. how can you not?
and i'm so excited about big brown and the possibility of a triple crown that i doodle his name just about everywhere. it's kind of pathetic. and i'm trying really really hard not to think about it b/c i have so much other stuff to do.
speaking of that stuff - i have finished my last college paper. i need to write the bibliography, but it is complete. i also have a small reading response to finish, i'll do that in the morning. but things are winding down. which is good, and scary.
like i mentioned...i took care of the horses this weekend. michelle was out of town. and sterling banged himself up. i talked to michelle a lot about it yesterday and today. it's either a stone bruise in his hoof, or it's a tendon thing. i'm hoping the stone bruise is what it is. she'll be by in the morning to check on him. i've hosed him down, soaked his hoof, and given him bute both yesterday and today. there's not much else i can do for him, and it isn't a vet emergency. bernie also checked in on him, which makes me feel better, and she thinks it is really minor. but yesterday he didn't even want to put it down on the ground, or walk on it at all. it was obviously causing him a lot of pain. he was walking a lot better today, but i don't know how much of that was him feeling genuinely better or how much was due to the amount of bute he'd been given. we shall see.
other than that...i've been reading, and writing. i really like my little short story that i'm writing and decided to turn it into three parts. if i'm brave enough, eventually it'll get posted here on lj. we'll see.
and yeah. that's really all i can think of to update you all with. other than, brooke i love you! i'm glad we talked today and i hope you are feeling better and i hope that you get to witness big brown win the triple crown, even though you'll be there without me. i want souviener's, dang it! ')
oh! but it looks like michelle really might be moving to portland in august. everyone cross your fingers, i might not be losing michelle which would be just about the best damn news ever. |
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[May. 30th, 2008|09:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
Pussycat Doll's been retired and bred to Ghostzapper. I kind of saw the retired part coming when she didn't make her comeback race and hadn't been working out. A part of me is really sad to not have her anymore...but a part of me is glad that her last race was in Pegram's silks. The Jacksons have her now, and they'll either keep or sell her baby. I hope they keep it. that would be awesome.
here's the article...
http://breeding.bloodhorse.com/article/45482.htm |
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[May. 29th, 2008|09:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
i am beyond angry. tuesday sucked. and i'm in an awful mood. my property management people are a bunch of fuck heads. and i can't wait to move the fuck out of here.
in an attempt to not go to class freakin furious...
more cat pictures |
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[May. 26th, 2008|10:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
It has been a really nice three day weekend and I don't want it to end. I'm starting to really realize how close to done with college I am. there will be no more "winter break" or "spring break" and i will be working, working, working. i can only hope that i'll be working with horses and life won't be so bad. we shall see.
i did get a lot of homework done. i took my online quiz, i read and did my reading response, i documented my folklore, and i did research for my last paper as well as outlining it. i don't have much time for homework on tuesdays or wednesdays because i'm out at the barn those nights, but i plan on finishing the paper thur and fri. and then it will be out of the way.
i went on trail rides both saturday and sunday which is always nice. i'm realizing how little time i have left with the horses and that continues to depress me.
i'm working on a particular short story that i really like at the moment that encorporates a couple of my favorite things to write about, so that's nice.
Drifty's comeback race was today, and it was awesome. I don't care if he finished 4th. He looked amazing out there. He was just cruising along and he got shut off with nowhere to go at the top of the stretch. when they secured a place on the rail, he did come on...and got 4th. i was hoping he'd get up for third, but that's alright. next time, and hopefully on dirt this time. 4th in a G1 after 11 months off is pretty good. and it was just soo awesome to see him on the track...he's been away so long its almost as if i forgot how much i love him. i literally squealed when they showed him for the first time, and i was cheering like a maniac even though it was obvious he wasn't going to get up. just love him.
then anne and i went out, and went and saw Iron Man. I actually didn't expect to enjoy it. I'm not into superheros. at all, really. but this one was really entertaining. it was funny and cool. plus, the female character saves the superhero at least 3 times. and he only saves her once. i think that is totally made of awesome. so yay.
i don't want to go to class tomorrow. meh. or work. even more meh.
and because i never got around to sharing these photos...
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[May. 24th, 2008|11:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
Today was a good day. I slept in until about nine. which was nice. I took Patrick to the dog park for an hour and a half and he got to run around and play. there were these kids there who just loved him and they were playing with him for a long time, and he loved it.
i got to have a yummy bagel from safeway.
then i went to the barn with maddy. we turned the horses out, set up food and cleaned stalls, worked them in the arena for a little bit and then took them out on a trail ride. it was a blast. the weather was beautiful. not to warm, not to cold. the horses were total idiots though, spooking at the stupidest things. like birds. but it was still a total blast. we hung out near the river for a while, just watching the water and stuff. it was really good.
and then i came home. i spent a lot of time on the phone, but that's ok.
and patrick us curled up behind me looking absolutely adorable. i love that dog.
i think i'm going back out to the barn tomorrow and i need to go grocery stopping. and tomorrow i will honestly start working on my last 10 page paper. so yay.
oh! and drifty is running on monday. yayayayayayay! i'm so so so so so excited :D woot.
that is really all. |
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| long rambles ;) |
[May. 22nd, 2008|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
i think i shall be ranting...
first of all, tuesday i went out to the barn. had a really good lesson. did some jumping. unfortunately, someone is slightly interested in memphis. i hope she doesn't end up buying him, or even coming to look at him or whatever...but it could happen. i am going to be so heartbroken when i have to say goodbye to him, whether sooner...or come the end of june when i move to portland. *sigh* but michelle did tell me that she thinks i'll be able to get a job working with horses, and i could use her as a reference. which is good.
what i need to rant about is the fact that i've been cleaning denali's stall on a semi-regular basis over the last couple weeks. his owner has not asked me to do this. i just do it. because otherwise it doesn't get done and denali ends up standing in week old piles of shit. i know most of my f-list doesn't spend much time around horses...but let me tell you, stalls get dirty, and fast. and denali doesn't have a run to go out in, so he's stuck in his small stall filled with shit if someone doesn't clean it. so i do, because denali's a sweetheart and i hate seening him being neglected. and that's what pisses me off. i understand that rose, his owner, got hurt...but seriously, that doesn't give you the right to just flat-out neglect your horse for weeks. she hasn't been out in weeks and has only asked michelle to take care of him like twice. i know he's stabled in a barn, with lots of other people and everything so obviously if something was going terribly wrong and he was really hurt or injured or whatever someone would notice, but the poor horse has just been neglected. his still doesn't get clean, he doesn't get worked, he doesn't get out to eat grass. it just pisses me off. people like that don't deserve to own horses.
another rant ... i hate the way people talk about ANWR. after the txt tom sent me earlier, i thought i'd look into it a little. it's so fucking obnoxious that we're talking about drilling into ANWR for a year's supply of oil and the only reason people seem to be for or against is because it will give us some oil ... or it won't give us enough and is therefore not worth it. hello people, it's a damn wildlife refuge. so, what, because as a population we are too fucking stupid to come up with alternatives to oil it gives us the right to kill off the habitat for too many species to name? honestly, what is wrong with people? at the rate we are destroying this earth....it's just disgusting. yeah, the gas prices hurt me. really hurt me. i'm broke as hell. but that doesn't give us the right to just fuck up one of our wildlife refuge's. what we should be doing, instead of fighting about whether or not to drill in ANWR or not, is to be finding alternatives.
also - on the note of the way the oil is spread out in ANWR...my geologist prof. had us talk about this a lot. i know all about how oil forms, and how we drill it out of the ground. so...the oil in ANWR is in multiple little pockets. it's not just one giant pool of oil in one place under the ground, it is small pockets all over the wildlife refuge. so in order to drill, we would have to drill in many, many places...which tears up the land and has environmental consequences all over ANWR. and on the wildlife note, there are species of wildlife up there that use ANWR in their migrations and for their very chance at survivial. without it, they would surely die. i don't think there's a compromise on this issue. we absolutely cannot drill in ANWR and i am going to be so devestated if that day comes.
ok. *end rants*
and begin happiness. so...i haven't spoken much about it, but i've totally become in love with the soap As the World Turns on CBS. I never thought I'd pick up another soap, but I like it. I like the acting, I like the characters. I started watching, originally, because they'd done what no other soap has and developed a male gay couple of kids in their twenties. and let them be romantically involved. that's never been done in daytime tv before. so yeah...they're luke and noah. and they are the best, ever. the fans of Nuke are equally awesome...and raged lots of protests when they quit letting the characters kiss (after a pathetic two kisses in their entire relationship) due to pressure from some stupid anti-gay family organization. they're back to letting them kiss. we are on kiss # 5, i think, lol. and they got to kiss for two days in a row and were damn adorable.
plus, i got to watch these cute videos with the actors. they're really funny and i lurve them. so yeah. lurve as the world turns. luke and noah are my current icon ;)
i think that's really about all. i ran into Davie Fimbres today on campus which was strange. nice to see him...but there's always that awkward, you haven't seen each other in years so what the hell do you say to each other kind of thing. but in any case, good to know he's out there doing well.
and i have the cutest, bestest dog ever.
and i'm going to spend money i don't have and go to sweet life. yes, i suck.
and yay for the greys finale...i can't wait.
that is all. |
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[May. 20th, 2008|09:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
i'm still on cloud 9 over big brown's win. i love watching him hit the wire with his ears all perked up. it's almost as if he's like "where's done, really?" and then he's tossing his head as kent's pulling him up, obviously wanting to go around again. i just love it, i love this horse. i'd give anything to be at belmont in 3 weeks. *breathes*
in any case...i woke up in a really good mood this morning for no real reason. i wish i didn't have to go to class. but it rained at some point this morning and it's all nice and breezy wetness outside instead of the abysmal heat, so yay.
and even though it is famous, and most people have seen it, if you haven't...watch this video!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM |
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[May. 18th, 2008|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | carrie underwood - before he cheats | ] |
It's all about Brownie now! ;) I can't begin to express how excited I was that Big Brown won in spectacular fashion yesterday, or how wonderful it was to watch a full day of racing with no break-downs or injuries at pimlico. thank goodness.
it's all about Big Brown for the Triple Crown. And I refuse to let the naysayers get to me. I'm starting to feel Alex-like defensive of Big Brown, and I'm trying to tell myself to just tone it down. Those who don't love Brownie are missing out on a potential superstar and that's their deal and not mine.
i absolutely love how calm he is. how much of a ham, how much he poses for the camera. it's adorable, and priceless. i also love that dutrow lets kids and people who just happen by the barn feed him carrots and say hi. most trainers are so protective of their horses that they don't seem to want anyone near their big stars. i also love how push-button he is, particularly since everyone thought he was a one dimensional speed horse prior to the Derby. And I love Kent's description of the race...particularly when he said "wheeee" really loudly and was obviously sooo excited. I also love that he almost forgot his whip, and how he should have just left it behind b/c he didn't need it, lol.
this horse rules. and i love him. a lot ;) i so so so wish i could be there for the Belmont. *sigh*
on a different note...both my soc paper and my polysci paper are complete. they need to be editted and i need to do bibliographies and site my sources correctly and all that. but i have no motivation. particularly for the soc paper since they're making us do it ASA format. I think that sucks. and i think my prof. is a dickhead. meh.
it's been hot as hell here...but i took pat swimming yesterday and got in with him and it felt fabulous. particularly since i was on such a post-preakness high.
i am more broke than i thought. which is not good. and that makes me feel a lot of pressure, and feel like i suck.
memphis's add is up on dreamhorse...and it makes me sad to look at it and know that he's for sale. someone please buy me memphis.
and i think that is all. |
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| onto the belmont... |
[May. 17th, 2008|11:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
BIG BROWN!
enough said ;) |
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